Talking to teens about family substance use is difficult, especially when it is a parent’s. Without the full understanding of what is happening to a loved one, however, teens can’t heal or enjoy healthy communication and healthy living. Family dysfunction thrives in silence.
By utilizing these guidelines, you can help your teen to understand and cope with the substance use disorder that is harming the family.
Step One: What To Talk About
Open up the subject by giving some basic information to cover the following subjects:
What Is Addiction?
Addiction doesn’t happen overnight. Explain the stages and disease process that occurs with increased use and how substances and alcohol affect brain function. Explaining basic addiction facts and how behavior changes, helps you to educate yourself. Talk with teens about family substance use as if it were cancer or any other progressive disease in an educated, non-judgmental manner. Education gives teens the power to see that addictions are quite common, that they are not alone, and that you can help both the user and the rest of the family.
What Are The Consequences Of Addiction?
Looking at common consequences helps to frame this information as a part of the addiction picture. This helps teens understand that addictive behaviors have consequences, and sometimes the consequences are punishments. Common natural consequences include:
- Traffic accidents
- Getting fired
- Losing friends
- Financial difficulties
How Can Recovery Help?
Recovery offers hope for the whole family, and much can be done to help the loved one who’s ready for or already in treatment. Discuss with them 12-step meetings, sponsors, other support groups, or individual or group counseling, intensive outpatient counseling, or inpatient treatment programs for the parent. Let them know that they can be a part of their own recovery through individual counseling, 12-step meetings, support groups, or family therapy that can occur with or without a parent present.
How Much To Share?
Acknowledge what the kids have seen and experienced with family substance use (such as a parent coming home from work drunk or getting fired for smoking pot on her lunch hour). Do not keep these events secret because that maintains the family dysfunction. In reality, your teen already has seen the behaviors and may know more than you do. However, there are some behaviors that may be inappropriate to talk about – healthy boundaries takes precedence over telling all. If you wonder about this, talk to a therapist about these boundaries.
Step Two: When To Talk About It
Talk when you are calm, when there is a quiet time with no distractions. During a fight or the aftermath of a crisis isn’t a good time. Don’t lash out with information, for example, while you’re threatening the loved one, or the loved one is screaming back. Times of high drama are not ideal for family meetings. Also, be open any time the teen might want to discuss this, and perhaps set up times for safe talk.
Step Three: How To Start The Conversation
First of all be calm and listen. While this is a very difficult and painful subject, it needs to be addressed in a quiet and non-judgmental way. The whole family needs to feels safe exploring it. After the subject is raised, then you listen, listen, and listen some more. As always, focus on inappropriate behaviors caused by substance use disorder, not the person. This also includes a focus on how they family can aid in the recovery of the substance user (if appropriate) as well as recovery for the family itself.
Addictions are difficult but you can be a positive example for your teenager(s). How you handle the situation can empower them and help them find healthy ways to cope. Remember that taking action is a powerful way to help your teen to go beyond the struggles into embracing recovery.
If your teens need help coping with a parent’s Substance Use Disorder, check out Al-anon family groups for teen support.