For years, I ate foods I hated because I was terrified of being punished. Thanks to recovery, I'm getting braver, and I'm remaking my favorite foods, like this blueberry cobbler, to serve my special dietary needs.
Fear Stems From My Childhood
When I was growing up, I had no control over what I had to eat. Liver and onions, slimy canned spinach, fried squirrel, and fried rabbit, were all dishes I HATED. They were all served weekly. The dinner table rule was "Eat it or wear it."
I Still Live In Fear
I'm a grown up, and almost never share a meal with my parents, but this still haunts me. Because I refuse to accept that this happened. As long as I pretend (denial) it didn't happen OR shouldn't have bothered me, the wound will not heal.
When I was a kid, I should have been given a choice to eat what was prepared or make my own food. How I was treated was wrong, but I'm too afraid to say it out loud. Just typing it makes me break out in a cold sweat. Until I can admit the truth, I will be imprisoned by the lie.
Deep-seated fears like this are quite common among adult children of alcoholics and survivors of child abuse. Emotional abuse makes people fearful. They are particularly afraid of confrontation or using their voice.
Saved By A Higher Authority
Recently, I learned I am allergic to gluten. What a relief! Now I have someone bigger and braver than me who supports my food choices. However, I want that same freeing endorsement for all of my choices. And I have that choice. The only person holding me back is me.
I don't have to stand up to all of my fears at once. Taking each day, one day at a time keeps the new habit manageable. Likewise, I don't have to give this much thought. All I need to do is practice my canned response, "That doesn't work for me."
Blueberry Cobbler Sans Gluten & Fear for One
I used this new principle to tackle one of my favorite recipes, blueberry cobbler with a crumb top. Since wheat flour "No longer works for me," I replaced the flour with blended oats. If you are allergic like me, make sure the oats are gluten free. Oats are essentially a gluten free grain, however, they are often cross-pollinated by nearby wheat. Be sure to read the label.
For The Filling:
- 1 pint fresh blueberries, rinsed
- 2 tablespoons of sugar
- ½ teaspoon of vanilla
- 1 tablespoon of butter cut into small pieces
- 1 small oven-proof dish. I use a 4 cup glass bowl.
Spray the baking dish with non-stick spray. Add the berries, sugar, vanilla, and butter to the bowl and stir to combine.
For The crust:
- 1 cup gluten-free quick-cooking oats
- 2 tablespoons of sugar
- ½ teaspoon of cinnamon
- 3 tablespoons of butter
Place all of the ingredients in a food-processor and blend until the crust is the consistency of small pea-sized clumps. For a more refined crust, blend the oats first then blend in remaining ingredients. Spread the crust mixture on top of berries. Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 30 minutes.
* White flour may be substituted for the oats and tastes just as good. Sometimes I use brown sugar instead of white.