Do You Know Your 5 Recovery Powers In Saying No : Life in recovery is about moving forward no matter how bad you feel As a recovery coach, I know all about the challenge not to accept being and staying empty. That is what addiction whispers to us every day. Let go of all effort. Just stay in bed with that fog (they call mine a diabetic fog and it sometimes drags me down). Whatever yours is there is power in saying no.
Be Nothing, Do Nothing Is What Addiction Wants Of Us
Addiction whispers to us that we don’t really count and nobody will notice, so it doesn’t matter if I, you, or any of us, stay in a funk. The message is: Who cares about me anyway so why not stay in bed and meditate on my current predicament? It’s a lie, of course. We do matter and people do care. So we can’t let go and fall into the trap of nothingness.
The Five Powers Of No
My recovery has taught me a valuable lesson. I have the power to say NO to everything that holds me back. I have the power to reverse the message and not accept being less than my best. My best may not climb the social ladder and be on TV as a mover and shaker. My best may not captain an industry while I try to figure out how to live on seven figures. But my best is about achieving what I can become, and I will be live satisfied with my best efforts. I can say no to whatever wants to keep me down.
- Drifting Along Without Direction. I want to live my life quite intentionally. I can be the person to reach for goals and build a plan on how to achieve them. I can be that man with a humongous desire, and I am able to say no to that which wants to divert me from being alive to my aspirations.
- Acting Like A Victim. Poor me. My past addictive choices created consequences I didn’t like. I acted helpless since I needed my d.o.c. (drug of choice) to survive day to day. At least so I thought. Now my choices are being made to achieve whole and holy consequences. Choices that advance me towards my truest desires. I don’t accept that everything should be perfect now that I no longer use. I will encounter trouble and challenges along the way but so what? I say no to living under the canopy of victim-hood.
- Procrastinating. Procrastination is putting things off. This may involve the inability to control outcomes and maybe we want to be taken care of. Doing nothing at all keeps us bound to living ineffectively and weak. When we procrastinate, we need and demand others to prop us up and do it for us.
- Risk Avoidance. In the past, I would hold back and not take acceptable risks. Yet it is in the risk zone where personal growth occurs. We all must keep living forward so taking risks is part of the deal.
- Fearing Everything. What’s so scary anyway? Failing? Being found out to be a fraud? Losing dignity again? Each of these fears are real and not real at the same time. Sure we all can fail. I have and I may in the future. I may not always be the expert, and I might even get embarrassed a time or twelve. So what? I say No to thoughts that express myself as a victim. We are all of incalculable value, and there is nothing that my performance, or others can say, to diminish my value. I say No to living as an offended addict who must compromise to be alive. If I fail, I will fail forward.
Dr. Dave Warner is a transformation coach, author and speaker. He is the author of “Resilient: My Journey to Wholeheartedness He is a certified Recovery Coach by CCAR, Mental Health Peer Coach by the State of Washington, and as Professional Life Coach through Erickson College of Vancouver, BC.