Nike has the slogan Just Do It … and life, in my opinion, should have the slogan Just Say It. Communicate. Speak the truth.
On my wedding day, when I promised “till death do us part,” I spoke my truth. I held on to these vows with tenacity through all of marriage’s ups and downs until I learned of my husband’s infidelity. In facing my feelings of betrayal, anger and loss, I struggled with breaking my vows.
My husband had already chosen for himself and did not want to stay married; but I hung in there. I thought I needed to keep my word, even if he hadn’t. Integrity was everything to me. I realized after some time (and a wonderful counselor) that keeping my word was more important to me than staying married. Instead of honoring my dignity, I chose to honor my word instead.
For the remainder of my dying marriage, I kept my vows by keeping open communication. It took about six months for the marriage to come to an amicable completion and another five years before I really knew I had forgiven him.
The Gift Of Speaking The Truth
Several years later, my Ex reached out with a text that read, “Next time you’re in town I’d like to meet for coffee. I have something to tell you.” We met at a coffee shop and after the usual catch-up and chatter about nothing, he said, “I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve that.” He said it. Out loud. To me. The words I would have given my left arm to hear in the middle of it, I had finally heard five years later. Those words brought tremendous peace and closure to what had happened between us and I was so grateful that he was able to just say it.
The Great Cost Of Not Speaking The Truth
John Mayer’s song, “Say what you need to say” is featured in the 2007 movie, The Bucket List. The movie followed the lives of two men who had each been given a grim health prognosis and how they chose to spend their time following the news. One of the men stopped himself from saying I’m sorry and I love you by staying out of communication with his estranged daughter. He missed out on much love and never got to meet his granddaughter.
Try it for yourself. Is there a relationship you are keeping yourself out of because you are walking on the proverbial eggshells about something you need to say that you’re not saying? Would you have to give up being right, justified, angry, hurt or vulnerable in order to get in communication? What would it take for you to just say it?
“You better know that in the end it’s better to say too much then never say what you need to say again” – Say, John Mayer
If you need help with relationships, addition, or mental health, visit Recovery Guidance. It’s a free resource to find professionals near you.