I have been widowed for the past 7+ years and often friends will ask me where to find a healthy date. They tell me they can’t find any healthy men. I am surprised since I feel I know a lot of great guys.
I ask them where they are looking for dates and they replied:
- Online dating sites
- Meet Ups
- Night Clubs
- Recovery meetings
When I ask the men I know why they don't date more, they say they too are wanting to find a healthy, fun loving, and independent person. According to The Law of Attraction ‘like attracts like’. Becoming an independent, balanced, and positive individual will allow you to attract the same type of person into your life.
I know for myself I want to date only healthy men. My husband passed away from the disease of alcoholism after 30 years of marriage. The toll it took on me was beyond measure. While I am sure there are many ideas for where to find a date, I have found these three work well for me.
1. Join A Running Or Walking Club
There are places you can sign up to walk or run in the evening each week. Typically, it is at a local running shoe store. There is time to talk before and after the run/walk. If you go each week you get to know everyone’s name. The men I have found here are health conscious and friendly. Men who are investing in their health by running or walking regularly tend to not be addicted to substances. It also has the added benefit of helping me to stay active and healthy.
2. Take Dance Lessons
This is one of my favorite places to meet safe men. Learning to dance is difficult and nearly impossible if someone is high. This tends to filter out men who are abusing alcohol and substances. It also costs money so everyone is typically financially sober as well. It is also a great way to get to know a lot of different men in one evening. Everyone is nervous and there is a lot laughter. There are all kinds of dance so you can pick the one you enjoy the most.
3. Attend A Weekly Yoga Class
Men who are interested in doing yoga are often into other healthy habits; hence they're likely to be a healthy date. I find it easy to talk before and after class and get a feel for them without investing much emotional energy or time. If I go to the class for several months I not only get to know them, but they become yoga friends. Which means, I get introduced to their male friends who start coming.
The most important factor when looking for a romantic companionship for me is to realize I have been affected by the disease of alcoholism. If I don't want to be co-dependent in my relationships and addicted to rescuing men who seem to “need me” I know I have to work my stuff. The real first step is to begin looking at my own recovery and be sure I am in a good place emotionally and mentally before bringing another relationship into my life.
In recovery, they suggest if you can keep a plant alive and healthy for 6 months you can get a pet. If you can keep the pet happy and well taken care of for 6 months, you can start a relationship.
For me I gave myself the to-do list of seeing a therapist and attending recovery meetings regularly for a year and then clearing all prospective boyfriends with my friends. Even if my radar was off they could often see any glaring red flags. Romance is wonderful and going out on dates is a fun way to meet new people. In recovery it is important to balance finding the right person with being the right person.