I needed some break-up take-aways to understand what happened and how I should feel about it.  When a relationship is over, you don’t have to think of it as failed, but simply completed. Your break-up provides an uninvited opportunity to examine the past and future.

About my recent break-up. What saddens me isn’t the end of “us,” but the loss of the friendship.  We should have left love alone and remained on the friend shelf. Now, we are nothing.

It’s the square peg-round hole syndrome — no one is at fault, we just don’t fit together nearly as well as we had expected. Our friendship was  based on mutual adventures but we couldn’t change that into a partnership based on mutual values. In doing so, we sacrificed that which brought us together as friends in the first place.

Instead Of A Friend, I Have These Break-up Take-Aways:

  1. Be present to see what’s right in front of me. I got caught up in how I wanted our relationship to look and feel. People really do show you who they really are if you’re paying attention.
  2. Observe what’s going on around me, instead of closing my eyes. I thought things would magically work out without my being actionable or accountable.
  3. Be curious about the bigger picture. After all, how we are in one area of our lives is how we are in all areas.
  4. Treat myself well, so that I can show others how to treat me.
  5. Detach and create space when I need expanded awareness … and be unapologetic about it.
  6. Continue my journey of self-awareness.  I have to be who I am and to believe that I really do know what’s best for me.
  7. Leave my boundaries where they are; and not smudge them because… well… maybe it’ll be different THIS time.
  8. Let go of meaningless things and close the door when required.
  9. Stay within who I am. Next time, I won’t allow old wounds and past triggers to complicate matters. Nor will I endlessly debate or explain myself.
  10. Be open to the transformation of who I am in the process. I have to give myself time to heal, relax and stretch myself in areas that are on the edge of my comfort zone.

The pain of a break-up is never easy, but for all of this, I am grateful.

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Elizabeth Viszt
Elizabeth is a certified Educational Specialist and Success Coach. She has a BA, MS in biology with a concentration in ethology (animal behavior), is an EAGALA Equine Specialist in equine assisted learning and personal development, and has extensive personal leadership skills. She spent much of her career in education at the high school, college and correctional facility levels teaching biology & chemistry and acting in the capacity of a success coach. Elizabeth presents workshops and seminars which address communication issues as they manifest in personal relationships. She uses writing as both a creative and cathartic outlet, especially after losing both of her parents to cancer in 2015. She lives in upstate NY, on a farm that bears the name of her motto: Be Unreasonable! She's invested in empowering others in moving their pieces forward in the world.

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