Sometimes, it’s easy to blame someone else for a failed friendship/relationship. It can also be difficult to tell when we’re friends with a toxic person – they don’t always show their true colors right away. But do we ever stop to wonder if we’re the toxic friend? We’re concerned about the possibility of falling into a toxic friend’s trap. But what if the other person isn’t the toxic friend?

Are you brave enough to take the quiz to see if you’re the toxic friend or partner?

  1. 1 When a friend or loved one has good news, you usually...

    1. Force a smile, but take control of the conversation and talk about a similar victory you had.
    2. Smile and congratulate them. But after asking a few questions about the victory, you talk about yourself.
    3. Grin and ask plenty of questions about the victory. You let them have the spotlight - you're so proud of them.
  2. 2 When a loved one is feeling low or grieving, you...

    1. Complain about your own misfortunes.
    2. Feel sorry for them, but remind them that everyone has a hard time - then use your experience as an example.
    3. Try to cheer them up, but listen to their needs and act accordingly. You know how they feel.
  3. 3 Consider: You reach out to your friends when you...

    1. Need something from them - you have certain friends for certain times.
    2. Are bored and are looking for some entertainment.
    3. Genuinely want to hang out and share some stories. Maybe you saw them recently, but seek their company. Or, maybe you haven't seen them in a while and miss the fun you have.
  4. 4 You and your friend are working towards the same goal. Your friend meets that goal first/takes the only spot open. You...

    1. Can't control the anger and betrayal you feel and lash out. You can't stand to be around that person and when you are, you make passive-aggressive, rude remarks.
    2. Distance yourself from this friend for a while. You may even make some comments to try to make them feel bad for out-performing you and getting that spot. But you're able to swallow that jealousy after a while and get past their victory.
    3. You may feel a little bad - this is something you really wanted. But if fair is fair and your friend out-performed you. You're able to get over the loss and be happy for your friend.
  5. 5 You see your friend went on a shopping spree last weekend to celebrate getting healthy. You...

    1. Call another friend and head out shopping as well. You know you can wear those clothes better than that other friend. You also may decide to start a workout routine, too - you can get toned and in shape much faster.
    2. Go shopping on your own and pick up either the same or similar outfits. You can't help it that you and your friend have the same taste.
    3. Compliment your friend on her new clothes. The friend looks happy and healthy now - you're happy for them.
  6. 6 You are single and ready to start dating again. You show up to a party and see your friend there with their new partner. You find their partner attractive and you...

    1. Walk over, distract your friend, and flirt with their partner. You find a way to exchange numbers and continue to try messaging after the party. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?
    2. Walk over and introduce yourself. You don't do too much flirting, but after the party, you add your friend's partner on social media and direct message them, trying to "get to know them."
    3. Introduce yourself and hang out with your friend and their partner for a little bit, then talk to other party-goers. You never know who else you'll find. Afterwards, talk to your friend about their new partner. They seemed happy and you want to congratulate them - and maybe joke about if the new partner has a sibling around the same age.
  7. 7 Your friend accuses you of creating drama and complains about your constant pessimism. You...

    1. Retaliate and blame them for your behavior. If they weren't so competitive all the time, you'd behave better. You refuse to talk to them until they come to you to apologize. How dare they call you out?
    2. Tell them they're wrong and walk away. You refuse to speak to them until they apologize.
    3. Are shocked by their outburst and reflect on any possible times where these accusations may be true. Maybe your friend is the competitive pessimist and is trying to project their poor behavior on to you.

Am I The Toxic Friend?

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  1. Quiz result

    You Exhibit Toxic Behaviors

    You seem to be displaying toxic traits. Do your relationships feel strained? Do you like to be the one in charge all the time? Does everything turn out to be a competition for you?

    Take some time to reflect and think about your actions when around others. If you feel that you want to make a passive-aggressive comment about a friend's attire or feel the need to belittle someone's feelings or triumphs, take a step back and reconsider. Why? What are the consequences? What is the end result you're looking for by reacting negatively? 

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  2. Quiz result

    You May Have Slight Toxic Tendencies

    Sometimes you just can't help but make a snide remark. This may be prompted by a friend's action, or it may just come out due to some underlying jealousy. Maybe you feel the need to control certain situations or you want the spotlight because you're feeling left out. Whatever the reason, take a step back and think about the impact your actions may have on not just the other person, but your relationship with them. Why are you friends with them? Why do you continue that friendship?

    It can be easy to fall into a habit of making unnecessary, snide comments. Try to be more aware of how you're reacting. How do your friends respond to your actions?

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  3. Quiz result

    Limited-to-no toxic tendencies

    No one is perfect and sometimes a rude comment may slip out without even realizing it. You generally don't exhibit any toxic tendencies and if you do, they're usually forgiven or overlooked. You cringe at the thought of purposefully putting someone down - especially a loved one. You may even tend to appologize more often than you should. Be careful. A toxic person will use that as leverage to take advantage of you. 

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Samantha Curreli
Samantha Curreli is a staff writer at Reach Out Recovery. Sam is also a graduate of Arcadia University's MFA in Creative Writing Program and a freelance journalist for New Jersey music magazine, The Aquarian Weekly. She has had multiple pieces of fiction published in literary magazines and short story anthologies.

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