Accept The Narcissistic Abuse Is Not Your Fault
How To Overcome Narcissistic Abuse

So, you’ve finally escaped narcissistic abuse. Now you have to accept that the abuse is not your fault. Be sure you don’t allow the trauma of narcissism trap you into having toxic thoughts. This means: Believing that you either deserved the abuse or were the cause. This is how people with narcissistic personalities or narcissistic personality disorder treat everyone around them. If you are healing from narcissistic abuse or an abusive relationship, here are four steps to help overcome the pain.

First and foremost: If you or a loved one is suffering from narcissistic abuse or domestic violence

If you ever feel unsafe, get help right away; call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-723. Find a safe place, stay with someone you trust (such as family or close friends), talk to someone who can help, and, as always, if you are in immediate danger, call 911 for an emergency. Don’t wait.

Make lists about the narcissistic abuse

Often, journaling can help work out negative thoughts and improve mental health. By realizing your inner dialogue and how you think, you can start to reconsider your beliefs and actions. Making lists can help you come face-to-face with how you’re really thinking. Certain lists may include:

  • What the narcissistic partner may have led you to believe (i.e: you deserved the pain; everything is your fault)
  • Consider why you took this blame (a parent, friend, a traumatic event from childhood)
  • Why you think it was important to stay with the abusive partner and (possibly) protect them
  • Return to the first list and consider why those statements your ex-partner are incorrect – write down a true statement about the relationship and the narcissist (i.e: that they were abusive to all former partners; there was no way they would change)

Educate yourself on narcissistic traits

People may not even realize they’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist until after the relationship has ended. These people often have questions and seek information about their former partner. It’s best to protect yourself from potential harm. Conduct some research to be better acquainted with narcissistic tendencies. Do you know about narcissistic projection? What an argument with a narcissist sounds like? It could be that you or someone you love is still in this abusive merry-go-round. Or, maybe you’re just starting to realize you, too, have been hurt by a narcissism.

Don’t give your narcissistic abuser a reason to resurface

This means you have to unfollow, delete, and block this person from your social media and contacts. Narcissists thrive on drama and if you show as much as a little blip under their radar, they’ll find a way back to try to cause some sort of scene with you. We’re not saying you should completely block out this toxic relationship – you shouldn’t. That can lead to pausing your healing process. But don’t give them a reason to want to start something with you again. You’re beyond that.

If you’re still looking for a way to escape narcissistic abuse…

It can be daunting, trying to escape a narcissist. Those with a narcissistic personality and narcissistic personality disorder have spent their lives developing their fantasies of being the sole savior of the world – and the means to protect their delusions. Instead of understanding that they’re not perfect, they project any imperfections onto their victims: partners, relatives, friends. READ MORE HERE.

**If you are in an abusive relationship or someone you know is, call the 24-hour National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-723. For more information, click here.

*Be sure the abuser doesn’t know about any preparations to leave; create a plan which includes preparing clothes, cash, food, and a destination; join a domestic violence survivors group to discuss the situation and feelings; make sure someone knows about the situation; call the hotline for help from a payphone or someone else’s; if you’re/someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911/the authorities.


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Samantha Curreli
Samantha Curreli is a staff writer at Reach Out Recovery. Sam is also a graduate of Arcadia University's MFA in Creative Writing Program and a freelance journalist for New Jersey music magazine, The Aquarian Weekly. She has had multiple pieces of fiction published in literary magazines and short story anthologies.

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