Sometimes, you might experience a whirlwind of emotions with your partner. They shower you with affection one minute and explode in rage the next. It’s like standing on shifting sands, and it can be incredibly confusing. On one hand, it’s natural to desire love and to be loved in return; these are wonderful qualities. However, some individuals with controlling tendencies, who often become emotional abusers, struggle to manage or comprehend their own feelings. Instead, they use their emotions as tools to manipulate and control others.
Abusive behavior can leave you feeling utterly bewildered and punished. Manipulators often display narcissistic traits, convincing themselves that they are sensitive and good while labeling others in their lives as thoughtless, unkind, and prone to causing chaos.
If you’re living with a manipulative person, you may constantly live in fear of punishment, even for the slightest perceived wrongdoings. You find yourself always on edge, trying to prevent or rectify any potential mistakes. In essence, you become a prisoner of your own fear, constantly dreading that your loved one will harm you, accuse you, confuse you, or subject you to punishment. In this blog, we will explore seven common qualities exhibited by people who emotionally abuse their loved ones.
Chronic Anger
Is someone you love seething with rage almost all the time and finds any reason at all to let the feeling loose on you? The abuser controls you by fear that he/she will erupt with anger over absolutely nothing, even a smile on your face.
Does someone say, “You’re always mad at me. You’re so critical, you’re so controlling,” or a dozen other things to make you believe you’re the negative one? The abuser is actually the one who feels these emotions and projects them on you. That way you’re the bad one and he is the good one or the victim in the relationship.
Does she/he make you feel you have to walk on eggshells? He/she tells you you hurt his feelings. You did something on purpose to ignore or bother him. This sensitivity makes you wonder if you are unkind, cold, or mean and you are on the defensive about every action you make and everything you say.
Are you lawyered to death? Does someone twist everything you say into something you didn’t mean? This is actually turning your own words against you. You say one thing, and your abuser repeats these words as something else. It’s another kind of lying but again puts you in the wrong and on the defensive. You may end up being the one who blows up or feels guilty.
Does someone lie to you about what happened in the past, and even set up situations that repeat the same kind of incident over and over, but insist these things aren’t happening? This is sometimes called gaslighting. If you’re abused like this, you can feel you’re crazy. Whatever you think is reality is actually shifting sands. When you doubt yourself, the abuser is in control.
Are you given the silent treatment as a form of punishment and have to beg for forgiveness? The silent treatment is withholding and punishing. This is also a common way of controlling someone.
Does he/she make you feel you’re the reason things go wrong? Playing the victim means the abuser manages his/her anger by creating a world in which you have consistently let them down, failed them, done the wrong thing. Playing the victim makes you feel responsible for another person’s failures, mistakes, and problems in life. This makes you feel guilty and motivates you to work harder at fixing your abuser’s problems.
Troubled relationships are not just love or marriage relationships, you can be abused by friends, family members, siblings, and even your children at any age. If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship with a spouse or lover be sure to get legal help and stay safe.
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