Lindsey and I are launching the mother daughter awe challenge to get you charged with positivity for the holidays. What is the awe challenge anyway? We’ll get to that in a minute. A new study shows that experiencing awe everyday can alter brain function and make you feel better both physically and mentally. Yay, we’re always looking for new tools to help our brains help us. Here’s why the awe challenge can work for moms and daughters.
Do you routinely experience the tension of battling wills and past grievances that get in the way of holiday harmony and joy? You’re not alone. Thousands of mothers and daughters (and other family members, too) are now on the dread train careening toward the emotional turmoil of all the get-togethers and celebrations that crowd the calendar from Thanksgiving to New Years. Everybody has expectations; and expectations of happiness, togetherness and fun all too often end in headaches and emotional hangovers from fights that began ages ago and are never forgotten.
Lindsey and I know all the ways that moms and daughters trigger and annoy each other. In fact, we wrote a book about it, The Mother Daughter Relationship Makeover. Our relationship was so explosive and bitter that we had an extreme break up for four years to get over the trauma. Lindsey left me, and I didn’t want her back. That’s how bad it was. We don’t recommend such a harsh remedy (unless you’re in danger) because breaking up leaves a deep wound where love and acceptance yearn to thrive. We all want to love and be loved, so it’s better to identify your issues and work through them than to throw out one of the most important people in your life. This means grandmothers and stepmoms, too. Our caretakers can come in many forms, so this is about you and whoever raised you.
It’s not easy to change your habits, but you can do it. Lindsey and I had terrible communication skills and a habit of fighting and blaming each other for every little thing. How did we stop doing it? We learned new ways to think and feel about each other, and that’s where the awe challenge comes in.
According to Psychology Today, “Awe is a complex emotion that occurs when we experience or witness something wondrous, vast, terrifying, inspiring, amazing, or mind-blowing.”
That definition perfectly describes the mother/daughter emotional rollercoaster of emotions. Moms and daughters are wondrous, vast in their influence over us, terrifying in their moods and disapproval, inspiring in their support, amazing in all their unique and quirkiness, and mind blowing in how they affect us every day in every way.
We feel all these emotions about moms and daughters at different times of our lives. The problem is they crowd each other out as we move through our life experiences, and we can forget the awesome feelings we once had. In fact, we tend to compartmentalize mom’s/daughter’s qualities, which makes it harder to see and appreciate the whole person.
With the awe challenge, you can bring together all the things that you admire about your mom/daughter by remembering how you adored her as an infant and were sometimes terrified of her. You were in awe of her good qualities, inspired by her tenacity, her sense of fun or humor. You get the idea. When you can remember and feel the awe, your compassion and forgiveness will follow. It did for us.
Here’s the Awe Challenge in a nutshell. One journal prompt a day gives you the opportunity to use your memory and panorama of feelings to inspire appreciation for your mom/daughter that you may have forgotten but need more than anything right now. Wherever you are on your relationship journey, this can help.
Gratitude and Appreciation For Giving Birth And Being Born
Your mom/daughter is a miracle. Think about her giving birth to you if you’re a daughter. Your mom was a hotel and a restaurant. If you’re a mom, remember the awe you felt when your daughter arrived. Your bond began here. Explore that special miracle of giving birth and being born. Thank your mom/daughter for the gift of life.
List 3 ways that your mother/daughter is wondrous
This can be anything. Your mom/daughter may have special gifts and talents. She may have a glorious personality and light up every room she enters. She may be competent and calm. She may be loving and kind. Think of three positive things that you can say about her. She may be pretty and have great style. Wondrous qualities come in all forms.
What Makes Your Mother/Daughter Vast In Her Influence
Your mom/daughter was your whole world in the beginning. Her moods, her needs, her way of doing things all had an impact on you that lasts forever. Here you can explore ways that she has imprinted or changed your ideas and actions. My daughter Lindsey brought yoga and spirituality into my life. I introduced her to Rotary International.
What Makes Your Mother/Daughter Terrifying
All moms and daughters are terrifying at times. You can be frightened by your mom’s disapproval or your daughter’s moods and sass. You both can be mean. Yes, it’s okay to journal prompt about that. You can use this writing prompt to write a letter telling your mom/daughter how she bullied or controlled your. But don’t send it whatever you do.
How Does Your Mother/Daughter Inspire You
If you have the fighting habit, you may have forgotten the inspiring things about your mom. What does she do that you admire. Does she work hard to support you and the family? Does she stick up for you? Is she gifted and kind, persistent and competent? Here, take some time to think of what she is or does that you appreciate.
What Are Three Ways Your Mother/Daughter Is Amazing
These can be qualities or attributes. Think of things you haven’t mentioned before. She may have made the best cupcakes for your birthday or cake sales. Your daughter may be an awesome volunteer when people need help. Honesty and integrity may be her hallmarks. She may be the best dresser on the block. Amazing can be anything.
Name A Time When Your Mom/Daughter Blew Your Mind
Get out your memories here. This journal prompt can be funny. It can be loving. It can be about a song she sang that moved you to tears, getting a well-earned award or diploma at any age. Maybe she gave you permission to fly and succeed when it hurt a little to let you go. Your mom/daughter has blown your mind in a million different ways.
The goal of this challenge is to scour your memory and emotional library of feelings to remember the good things about your mom daughter so you can ease the stress of old feelings that get in the way of a joyful relationship now. Lindsey and I, who used to fight all the time, do some awe work every day to keep our appreciation fresh and harmony ongoing. Try it and let us know what it does for you.
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Unloved Daughters Understanding Echoism
How Secrets And Lies Can Harm The Mother Daughter Relationship
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