5 Tips For Good Communication Skills

Many Of Us Are Quick To Judge Other’s Communication Skills But How Good Are Yours

i’m going to tell you a deep, dark, secret about myself. I’m not always good at communication. This is scandalous for someone who teaches good communication. But, like all people who struggle with something, we teach because we have spent countless hours reading, learning, and being in therapy so we can understand how this works and get better at it. In my case, like many of you I’m sure, I come by it honestly. People didn’t always share how they really felt in my family, or they overshared. But, that’s another article.

Good Communication Is Learned

In my family of origin, screaming was our love language. Stuffing down how you felt was often expected, or necessary. A large part of my recovery has been learning how to manage my emotions and how to communicate clearly and effectively. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t learn good communication from your family, but it does matter how you’re communicating with people around you now. If it looks like something you grew up with that you hated, maybe this is a moment to consider change. The exciting news is we know a lot more about healthy communication today, and there a lot of great tools that help.

Good Communication Is Practiced

If you know you lose your temper or struggle talking to people about how you feel, know this. It takes practice for everyone to maintain balance and communicate well. What we are trying to do here is look at how we’re communicating with people, see if it needs adjustment, learn the tools to make change, and then practice until they become intuitive. Is it possible? Of course. I know, because I’ve done it. It gets easier and easier the more you do it. Then, after some time has passed with this new way of living, you won’t believe you ever behaved differently.

Good Communication Gets Good Responses

One of the many reasons I’ve continued on my journey of healthy communication, and am now teaching it is because when you can share how you feel in appropriate ways, often you get what you want! Imagine that, instead of conflict and not getting what you need or deserve, imagine talking to someone peacefully and getting what you were after? It’s incredible. Once you see the different you won’t want to go back.

5 Tips For Good Communication

Know Your Audience. Being able to effectively communicate something to someone, or an audience, means knowing who is standing in front of you. How will they take this information, how should you frame it? There’s a reason why cops sit someone down when they’re going to give them bad or shocking news, they know how people will respond. Make sure to consider not only the information you have to convey but how it will be received.
Be able to listen. Practice something called Active Listening. This is when you are able to make the other person feel heard, can repeat back to them what they told you and are not thinking about how to respond while someone is speaking to you. This takes practice but when you learn to sit still and listen to someone, it shows.
Empathy & Compassion. Never go into an important conversation angry or unable to see someone else’s point of view. Maybe you don’t agree but being able to understand where someone is coming from is so important for healthy communication. We all want to feel loved and understood, especially when there is something important on our minds.
Getting Feedback/Giving Feedback. Whether this is a personal relationship, work relationship, or family member, it is imperative to be able to give feedback in a respectful way. How are you at taking feedback? I’ll admit, I was terrible at it when I was younger but now I welcome it. I want to know how people see me, when I offend someone and how I can improve.
Nonverbal communication matters. We’ve all been triggered or offended by people rolling their eyes at us, or at least I have. But, do you do it too? From crossed arms to an angry or disappointed expression, we all know when someone is mad at us and most of us know how to make someone else know we’re mad at them. Considering our nonverbal communication is also important.

Remember the golden rule as well, which is treat people the way you would want to be treated. That’s always a good way to go! So, consider your audience, learn to listen, lean into your compassion and remember to smile.

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