Destructive conditioning, on many levels, is making it impossible to halt the addiction epidemic. Even though Covid is a continuing health threat to the nation, the addiction epidemic is still with us, and not getting any better. In the last 20 years, since my family went into recovery, we’ve lost 2 million people to addictions in this country. That’s a lot of unnecessary death. Addiction is both preventable and treatable.
There is a lot of confusion around substance use, drug abuse, and drug addiction. The term “drug abuse” implies use of only the most dangerous drugs and medication, but virtually any substance can be abused. We often point out that it’s not just opioids that’s killing hundreds of thousands of people every year. It’s alcohol, tobacco, prescription and illegal drugs. Dozens of substances, and foods, are addictive, harmful, lead to chronic illnesses, and death. Furthermore, people with smoking addictions, diabetes and heart disease are particularly vulnerable to viruses. We don’t talk about how those 2 million deaths have hurt every family.
If addiction were any other disease, we would be teaching children and their parents how each substance changes brain function in young people. Few schools, high schools or colleges teach students that their brains are not fully developed until the age of 25. That means children and teens who use drugs and alcohol have impaired emotional and behavioral growth and are at risk for addiction, but how many people know that? These are facts we’re not teaching that every family needs to know.
15% of high school students are already addicted and at risk for death before the age of 20. Middle school students deserve to know exactly how drugs and alcohol impact their bodies and brains.
National Institute of Drug Abuse
Did you know that girls process alcohol at twice the rate of boys? One drink for a male equals two drinks for a female. Alcohol is processed and affects girls’ brains more quickly, and stays in their systems longer. That means girls get drunk faster and stay drunk longer than males. This basic fact is not taught anywhere. Most of my friends do not know it.
The opposite is true. One in four college students is sexually assaulted as a result of drug or alcohol use. Because girls aren’t taught the basic biological fact that they can’t drink safely, they think alcohol is fun and part of growing up. They don’t believe that assault or accident will happen to them when they drink in high school, college, and as young adults in the workplace. Even worse, women are blamed when they get drunk or are assaulted.
For decades millions of families just like mine have been destroyed by addiction because we get enmeshed in unhealthy behaviors without knowing it’s happening. And then, when we’re deeply and dangerously enmeshed, we don’t know how to get out of it. Unless you attend 12 Step programs you’re unlikely to know that substances and alcohol use changes us all.
My family had to work very hard to restore health and relationships, and we did it by learning a new way to think and to live. 12 Step programs, therapy, counselors and even physicians are needed to work together to help families. That isn’t happening. It takes a lot to accept and take action against a persistent disease.
As parents, children, lovers, or spouses, all we want is for our loved ones to be all right, to be as they were, to recover. And many of us will sacrifice everything we have to try to make that happen. Only one in nine people who need treatment, receive treatment in this country. Others get treatment but don’t recover. Family members often feel responsible for the outcome.
How can we overcome the I didn’t know syndrome. Telling the story of what you didn’t know makes you perpetually hopeless and helpless. It keeps you stuck in what might have been, instead of what is. I can only speak for myself as a parent who once said I didn’t know, but do not say it now. I know I became codependent. I know that what I did often wasn’t helpful, and what I ultimately did when I understood addiction better was helpful. Knowing is your solution, whether you are coping with a child, an adult, a parent, a spouse or yourself. Here are seven things you need to know to overcome destructive conditioning of addiction.
Recovery does work when the pieces prevention, education, and support for healthy living are all in place. Even if your loved one can’t recover, you can.
Growing Up In Recovery After You Get Sober
7 Best Tips For A Relapse Prevention Plan
There Is Hope For An Addict’s Mom
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