Wait. Back up… Let’s start with what’s a vision statement. Originally, a vision statement was reserved for a business and it included goals, strategy and information to inspire investors and employees. Here, we’re referring to a personal vision statement.
A personal vision statement is a description of what you want to achieve in your life, both personally and professionally.
Unbeknownst to me, when I signed up to get my Certification for Professional Coaching, I was going to have to go through the coaching process myself – including writing a vision statement. My colleague, Master Coach, Elizabeth Hamilton-Guarino told us we’d get to write vision statements and I had been super excited about it. I couldn’t wait to put my grand vision for my life on paper. Then she shared the twist. “These are mother-daughter vision statements. You have to do your mom’s and she does yours.” I was disappointed, to say the least. I also thought – this was going to be weird.
The funny part was, I wasn’t concerned about writing a statement for her–I know her better than anyone and I could write her a fantastic vision statement for her life with my hands tied behind my back. No ego here. But, I was doubtful about her statement for me. How wrong I am about everything, sometimes.
There is a process to writing a mother-daughter vision statement. It begins with someone (usually a client) deciding what areas of life they want to focus on, like a weight-loss goal or finding a relationship or something around their career. Some people need a little focus across the board of life and that’s no problem too. But, first and foremost, you try to whittle down exactly what goals you’re working towards.
For me, in recent years, I’ve focused mainly on career-building and relationship-building or “romance and finance,” my two obsessions I like to joke. For my mom, her wants were a bit different but that makes sense, we’re in difference phases of life.
I won’t reveal the details of my mom’s interview because these things are private, for some people. Not me, obviously, but others. Her interview was enlightening and poignant for me to do and read. I know the issues that still trouble her are incredibly meaningful because she has less time to sort them out.
Interviewing my mom and hearing these moving answers was the first surprise of the experience. It let me in on how my mom really feels about few things, and people, that I didn’t know. It shared with me her secret wishes for me, my brother, her grandchildren. It reminded me that we never truly know what’s in other poeple’s hearts and minds until we ask the right questions.
It took the pressure off me and let me put all my creativity into my mom.
I’m going to do my best to explain this phenomenon. I put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes not even about the right things. Removing me from the process of writing my own vision statement created clarity for it that my mom was able to see that I might have muddied. See, just like I interviewed my mom, she interviewed me. She had my answers for what I want next in life and wow, did she run with it. I’ll get back to that in a minute.
So, now my mom is putting all her skills and creativity into using my answers to write a vision statement that would realize all my dreams and I’m doing the same for her. By not writing my own vision statement, I got to expend all my creative energy and bright vision towards my mom instead of worrying about whether I doing mine right. For the record, writing the vision statements this way was a shocking and wonderful surprise.
The best part of the mother-daughter vision statement is hearing what your mom wrote for you and seeing your mom hear what you wrote for her. This turned into such a beautiful moment for us. I’m not very emotional (publically anyway) and I fell apart when my mom read my vision statement to me. She nailed it and I couldn’t keep myself together as she read the beautiful vision she created for my life filled with grander visions than even what I had thought up.
Often in the mother-daughter dynamic, we get so caught up in the drama, in the control, that we forget that this is the most precious, hopefully loving dynamic in the world. Writing vision statements for each other, based on our interviews not our opinions, allowed us to let the other one know that we do want for them what they want.
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