Updated 8/06/23 My sober birthday was only supposed to last 90 days. I didn’t expect sobriety to become my new normal. I took that first chip to see what it felt like for alcoholics to give up the thing they loved the most. Lindsey, my daughter in the picture above, was my inspiration back then and still is. What does it feel like to be sober in a drinking world? A lot of people told me I was no fun anymore. Wasn’t fun to them, but I was fun to the people I love the most. I found that after the first three months of abstaining, I didn’t want to drink again. And then it became a way of life that improved absolutely everything. Now, if the world were to end next week, I wouldn’t change a thing.
August Is My Sober Birthday
It’s my sober birthday this month, and you’re invited to the party. After 15 years of passing on the martinis, sobriety is my norm. It’s also the norm for my family. That means no martinis, wine, or beer in our homes or at our gatherings. We’re not against alcohol. Alcohol is fine in moderation. Since not everyone can control the amount they imbibe, however, we have to make the world comfortable for those who want the recovery lifestyle. Did you know that sober curious is now a thing? And sober bars are also a thing. Let’s just say in our family we walk the recovery walk ourselves, and we’re not missing out. At home, we actually talk, play games, enjoy our communications in a way we couldn’t when alcohol was part of our lives. There are more benefits, of course, but too many to mention here.
We live in a truly boozy world where there has been the universal belief that no end-of-work day, sports event, party, family reunion, celebration, or moment of depression is complete without having a couple of drinks. The result has not been good for our children, workplaces, schools, or family environment. That may slowly be changing, and there are some easy changes we can make to help the next generation.
Children do what their parents do, what their friends do, and what they see on TV and in the movies. So, parents need to think about the messages they send with their own habits. Not drinking (or smoking dope) at home in front of children will remove the tease factor, and the temptation to steal from parents’ stash. Face it, your kids will steal your alcohol, cigarettes, pain pills, whatever you use. It’s a fact of life. They will lie about doing it, and you will believe them. Sending a different message at home makes a difference.
I remember my sober birthday date: August 25, 2008. Sober birthdays are very meaningful. Just as many “alcoholics” can remember their first drink, I clearly remember the two events that caused me to eliminate the booze from my life. One night a drunken and scary fight between close friends made me want to be safe from the behavior changes that occur with drinking. I didn’t want to be part of it. I was on vacation with them and had to leave. Drinking was toxic to them and to me. But sobriety was already on my mind. Some of own family members were finally ready to take the sobriety step and I wanted to walk with them into what we then thought was the Missing Out Sea of Misery.
The first thing that happens when you stop drinking is that friends and family members who do drink are dismayed and suspicious, you may need counseling or help to deal with it.. They try to argue you out of your choice to abstain, and keep trying to give you a drink, “just one” even years later. People who know you well and even love you a lot will still want you to drink with them. That is their business. It has nothing to do with you, but can hurt if you’re not expecting it.
In my 15 years of sobriety, the world outside of recovery has changed. There are many signs of hope. The recovery lifestyle is gaining acceptance. And happily, many people now celebrating sober birthdays are parents just like me.
Even if you’re not ready for full sobriety, you can make a difference by not drinking in front of your children.
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