Facebook
39

Addicts’ moms need support, not stigma

Updated 8/6/23 Addict’s moms suffer from the stigma of having children who aren’t perfect, worse that their children suffer from a disease that only they can cure. Moms can’t fix it. Addiction is a disease of brain reward that is chronic and progressive. It can’t be cured, but can be successfully managed with treatment and determination. Moms, however, can’t make it happen just because they long for their children to be all right. There’s no chemotherapy to take it away, so we have to work on it as a family and community.

There was a time when I was afraid to tell anyone that I had a child who was addicted to drugs. Even when that child was in recovery, it seemed like a betrayal to explore my struggles as a mom with others. When moms get together, they often talk about the accomplishments of their children, but not their problems. It’s painful to hear about “normal” families that don’t have addiction. Almost everyone, however, has an addiction story to tell. It’s in their family, or their in-laws’ family. The things that we believe about good and bad parenting are not necessarily true..

Time to separate fact from fiction about parenting and children who become addicted to substances and alcohol. Here are nine myths that need debunking.

AdobeStock

Myth: #1 Good Mothers Donโ€™t Have Children Who Take Drugs And Overdose

This misconception is painful. Stigma associated with addiction adds to the confusion moms have about themselves as good or bad parents. The truth is terrible moms can have kids that turn out great. By the same token absolutely great moms have kids who take drugs and overdose. Fact: Substance abuse and behavior addictions occur in every of background and socio economic group. Addiction can also persist no matter how great parents are and what they do to try to stop it.

Myth #2 Good Kids Donโ€™t Drink Or Take Drugs

All kids have the potential to experiment with substances, and according to NIDA over 30% do. This number includes students with great grades and good social skills. 15% of teens become addicts and are at risk for death before they leave high school. Neither excellent students, nor troubled ones, take drugs with the intention of becoming an addict. Fact: Good and Bad have no relevance when it comes to addiction.

Myth #3 Substance Abusers Only Come From Dysfunctional Families

This is a common misconception. The potential for addiction does have a genetic component, just as the potential for other diseases, talents, skills and gender identification. But just because a family has addiction in its bloodline or experiences dysfunction doesnโ€™t mean all the children who come from these backgrounds will become addicts, or that all addicts come from such a background.

Myth #3 Addicts’ Moms Should Be Ashamed

Mourning with dignity is essential for all moms who have lost children or are dealing with children who are active users. It’s just as agonizing as any other disease. Friends and colleagues donโ€™t always respond with the same compassion for addiction as they would for another illness and casseroles are not forthcoming when a child is in crisis. Worse, addicts’ moms feel a lot of shame for having children they canโ€™t save. Addiction is like any other progressive disease. With treatment there is the chance for survival. Without it, many people will get worse. Shame has no place in any catastrophic disease.

Myth #4 Addictsโ€™ Moms Should Feel Guilty When Their Children Blame Them For Not Helping Enough

Addiction opens what seems like a black hole of need for money and support. Loving mothers trying to help can become exhausted and depleted of money, resources and spirits. When moms enter recovery and get help for themselves, children, or anyone caught up in an addiction, will resist the transition to taking responsibility for themselves. The resulting drama can make moms feel guilty. As they get stronger, healthy moms learn not to engage.

Myth #5 Addictsโ€™ Moms Should Go Bankrupt Paying All the Bills

Addictsโ€™ moms are not responsible for putting their adult childrenโ€™s lives and needs above their own until there is nothing left. This is hard to learn but essential for recovery. Often substance abusers begin to heal when moms stop doing everything their children demand. Addicts donโ€™t always recover, but moms can and deserve to heal no matter what happens.

Myth #6 Addicts Moms Canโ€™t Be Happy If Their Children Are Still Using

Weโ€™ve met hundreds of moms along the way who lead full and happy lives despite their childrenโ€™s active substance abuse, and even death. Moms are resilient when they believe that their feelings, productivity and lives matter. As one therapist told me only this week. โ€œYou can feel sad, even heartbroken, by a loss, and still cultivate happiness.โ€ We know for a fact that is true.

Myth #7 Marriages Fail When Kids Are Substance Abusers

Anyone who’s been married knows that marriages go through many stages throughout the years. Weโ€™ve heard that marriages where both partners listen to each other and work as a team to focus on solution get stronger when dealing with the addiction crises. Where marriages have partners who donโ€™t agree or one is in denial and the other wants to take action, addiction can indeed tear families apart.

Myth #8 Recovery Isnโ€™t Successful If Users Donโ€™t Fulfill The Potential They Had As Children

This is a misconception many families have because they donโ€™t understand the nature of addiction and recovery. The potential of child that is lost in addiction may never return in the same form. But recovery brings different kinds of lives and gifts that are more than acceptable and satisfying. Successful moms need to understand that an adult child in recovery who fixes bikes, or works in a juice bar, or tie-dyes tee shirts at the beach, lights candles, loves sunsets and never wants to do anything else may be leading just as satisfying a life as an overworked professional sibling who never sees the light of day.

Myth #9 A Mom Who Doesnโ€™t Receive Cards, Calls, And Thanks, Isnโ€™t Loved

Weโ€™d like to send a hug and a big fat slice of cake to every mom on every day. We don’t always get the recognition and appreciation we need. And that hurts. The gift of love can come from any source even from within. A motherโ€™s heart wants recognition for the care and devotion she has given. Teens, young adults, and older adults who use are not in the right place to return their mothers’ love. ย It doesnโ€™t diminish the effort a mother makes every day. We pray that all substance users who are separated from their mom and other loved ones will find their way back some day.

More Articles To Read About Addiction

How Alcohol Free Parenting Can Save Your Kids

There Is Hope For The Mom Of An Addict

Family Help For People Who Love Addicts

Sober Curious Mom Has Mission To Save Your Children

Sober Curious Benefits To Your Body and Brain

My Sober Birthday And Not Missing Out

check outย www.al-anon.alateen.org



Like it? Share with your friends!

39

0 Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Leslie Glass

Leslie Glass became a recovery advocate and co-founder of Reach Out Recovery in 2011, encouraged by her daughter Lindsey who had struggled with substances as a teen and young adult. Learning how to manage the family disease of addiction with no roadmap to follow inspired the mother and daughter to create Reach Out Recovery's website to help others experiencing the same life-threatening problems. Together they produced the the 2016 ASAM Media Award winning documentary, The Secret World of Recovery, and the teen prevention documentary, The Silent Majority, distributed by American Public Television. In her career, Leslie has worked in advertising, publishing, and magazines as a writer of both fiction and non fiction. She is the author of 9 bestselling crime novels, featuring NYPD Dt.Sgt. April Woo. Leslie has has served as a Public Member of the Middle States Commission of Higher Education and as a Trustee of the New York City Police Foundation. For from 1990 to 2017, Leslie was the Trustee of the Leslie Glass Foundation. Leslie is a proud member of Rotary International.

Join Us

Sign up for our newsletter and receive our top articles
and promotions on our books and products!

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.