Who loves you for yourself no matter what? Wishing and hoping that someone will be constant with affection doesn’t make it happen. It may seem boring to love someone who is predictable and always does what they promise. But when everything is at stake, the person who delivers is the person you can trust with your heart, finances, and life dreams. Don’t even think of settling for less.
Take Ellen. She fell for Dan who seemed great in a lot of ways. Dan can support her, and he’s good-looking, but he comes from a family with alcohol use disorder. That means without thinking about what he’s doing, Dan as a new husband is already copying the ways of his father, who hurt him deeply. Dan disappears to go drinking after work, and he won’t pick up when Ellen calls. He rages when he’s had too much to drink, and Ellen can’t rely on him to keep his promises. Ellen was worried about these things from the start but married Dan anyway. Now he’s a fair weather husband, whose fair weather is less and less frequent. Ellen needs to go to Al-anon to understand herself, instead of trying to change Dan into the man she longs for.
Sometimes we fall for someone who looks good and seems adorable at first but doesn’t hold the pose. Let’s face it. Someone who goes missing for weeks at a time may be dating someone else, too, and returns to when the other relationship doesn’t pan out or in addition to the other relationship. He or she may also have a problem with drugs or alcohol. It’s common for those with substance or alcohol disorders to go on benders and disappear for a while. When they come back, they may be remorseful, but may also pretend nothing happened.
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