Knowing how gaslighting works and can be used in relationships  helps keep you safe

It may not seem like anyone is gaslighting you, but gaslighting can come in different forms. Sometimes those forms are sneakier than we think they can be. Gaslighting is manipulation like when someone, or something, attempts to change reality by presenting alternate facts. Fake news is a political form of gaslighting, but gaslighting is very personal when it happens to you. It’s pretending something is true that isn’t true, or pretending something that’s happening that isn’t happening and saying it with such conviction and sincerity that you begin to doubt yourself.

The spin puts you in a double spin

Is there someone in your life who insists things happened that didn’t happen, or has a completely different version of events in which you have the facts? It’s a form of mind control and is very common among families dealing with substance and behavior problems. It can also be politically useful. It’s more than spin. Making something that is happening seem it isn’t happening is gaslighting.

 Gaslighting is manipulation that works like this

You find the car has been damaged after you loaned it to a loved one or friend. That loved one happens to live in an alternate universe where everything is always someone else’s fault (preferably yours). He/she had an accident today while driving and later insists the scratches and dents were already there when he/she took the wheel. In other words, you did it. He won’t stop insisting you did it even if you present a photo of the car in perfect condition when you handed it over. He’ll insist on alternate facts to prove you’re wrong, evil, mean, and anything else he can think of. He’ll throw in that you’re also a bad driver.

Does something seem wrong all the time

You are distressed because Items go missing, like pills from your prescription, or money from your wallet. The person living in an alternate universe insists nothing actually went missing. You’re just an idiot. You can’t count your pills. You spent that money yourself. You’re making it up. Or worse, you’re evil for calling him or her a liar. You simply cannot win. Do you get the drift?

Gaslighting is manipulation to control the story

The person presenting alternate facts does this to control the story, the situation, and you, in order to make himself look innocent, or fair, or good, or kind, or popular, or successful, whatever that person wants to be. That person will say anything at all to get you to give up your views, your opinions, your dignity, your self esteem.

Alternate Facts Make You Think You’re Crazy

The person who lives in an alternate universe will engage your mother, your best friend, your trusted adviser, your boss, every authority he/she knows to support his version of reality against yours. And if he/she is not successful in that, he will destroy whoever who defends you. By lying about them.

Presenting Alternate Facts Is Hallmark Of Untrustworthy People

Gaslighting, presenting alternate facts, shutting down lines of communication, denying people critical information, plus a few more hostile acts I could mention, are all signs of someone who can’t be trusted to tell the truth in any situation. What do you do about it? Be sure you have others around you who can verify the truth. Gaslighting can only work if you let it. If it happens at work, find reliable people to get the truth out. If it happens in government, keep the pressure up to tell the truth. Truth has no party, no good or bad side. Truth is just truth, and we need it to survive.

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Leslie Glass

Leslie Glass became a recovery advocate and co-founder of Reach Out Recovery in 2011, encouraged by her daughter Lindsey who had struggled with substances as a teen and young adult. Learning how to manage the family disease of addiction with no roadmap to follow inspired the mother and daughter to create Reach Out Recovery's website to help others experiencing the same life-threatening problems. Together they produced the the 2016 ASAM Media Award winning documentary, The Secret World of Recovery, and the teen prevention documentary, The Silent Majority, distributed by American Public Television. In her career, Leslie has worked in advertising, publishing, and magazines as a writer of both fiction and non fiction. She is the author of 9 bestselling crime novels, featuring NYPD Dt.Sgt. April Woo. Leslie has has served as a Public Member of the Middle States Commission of Higher Education and as a Trustee of the New York City Police Foundation. For from 1990 to 2017, Leslie was the Trustee of the Leslie Glass Foundation. Leslie is a proud member of Rotary International.

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