When you feel that you’re in a toxic relationship – run. Do gaslighting or ghosting sound familiar? How about a constant stream of lies and jealousy? How in control do you feel in your relationship? Sometimes, we give our partners the benefit of the doubt and suppress our gut feelings. Don’t do that. It only makes it that much more difficult to leave later on.
The abuser knows how to reel in his/her victims by turning on the charm. They know what to say, how to act, what to do to ignite that attraction. Once they know they have their victim, the charm switches off and the relationship becomes something like a prison. Instead of butterflies in your stomach, it feels more like you’re on the cusp of a stomach virus all day every day. You shouldn’t be miserable in any relationship.
The abuser can start gaslighting their victims, lying, arguing in circles until they’re deemed the “winner,” exhibit unnecessary jealousy. For example, if a partner becomes aggressive and confrontational because their significant other plans to go out with some friends, that’s a huge red flag. It’s not immense love. That’s their possessiveness coming out.
It can be tricky – all relationships are different. Some people may have to slowly withdraw at first and talk to others before breaking it off with their abusive partners. Others may have to get some backup to help them get through leaving their partner. Depending on the abuser, they may have tactics lined up already to try to keep their thumb on their victims. It’s always good to have a plan of your own to combat their tactics.
While it’s never good to stay in a toxic relationship or friendship, there’s always a lesson learned.
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