When helping hurts is something we need to think about a lot more. This quote resonates in so many ways. Do you ever do something to help someone else (a loved one or friend, perhaps) that is way too inconvenient or costly, or painful to you? We have. It is often part of the family dysfunction that accompanies substance or alcohol use disorder. It’s not selfish or cruel to help loved ones grow up and take care of themselves.
Why do we continue helping others when helping them hurts us
Family roles are established early, and negative conditioning can last a lifetime. There is a lot of information regarding dysfunctional families and the unhealthy roles that are played in this kind of family system. Addiction or abuse is often the cause of dysfunction that leads to helping or hiding what’s going on. The motivation that launches dysfunction is often noble or caring. It can be the desire to protect the family or family member from negative consequences like getting arrested or losing a job or being acknowledged as a drinker, abuser, gambler. The desire to protect begins with pretending that everything is all right, and later becomes a system that hurts everyone. In the name of loyalty, dysfunctional families require that everyone play a role in maintaining a destructive status quo. Read more
When helping hurts is the time to learn us all to practice the words, “Sorry, no.” Actually, no is a full sentence.